I don’t think I’ve ever given myself much credit for being creative.
In fact, I think I suppressed that side of myself so much that it practically disappeared and only occasionally did I notice a little glimmer of it here and there.
I accidentally built a mental comfort zone with logic as the walls because I was uncomfortable with exploring my own creativity, perhaps for the fear that I wouldn’t be good at being creative – creativity is tough to measure. But this year I’ve made a conscious effort to change that and break down those walls. See the video below for proof…
We are what we think, right? So I dropped this whole internal dialogue of “I’m so rational and analytical.. blah blah blah” and switched it to “I’m pretty creative… sometimes” [gotta add the “sometimes” just to satisfy the other side of the brain]. Anyway, I made this switch earlier in the year – maybe around February and then decided to lean in and give creativity a shot…
A girl told me if I played guitar it’d be pretty hot so I immediately picked up a cheap as fuck guitar and spent a few months getting to grips with it. Very fun to play but not totally my vibe, though I do love the feeling when you actually create a halfway decent lil riff. Will be picking this back up again soon 🙂
Much to the dismay of my high school art teacher [can’t remember her name but there is a special place in hell for unsupportive art teachers], I also started drawing things. Just little sketches of my environment and sometimes the odd animal or a little scene in my head. Most weren’t great but every now and then I’d hit on something that I loved! One of them I liked so much I got it tatted on my arm. How fucking cool. Never drawing anything to drawing my own tattoo. Nice. Go me! I even carry a notepad and pen in my bag at all times in case I wanna draw something.
And more recently, I spent the past few months trying to open up creatively with acting classes. Acting was something that, like many of you reading I guess, I’d been told I could probably do pretty well but like most people I declined to pursue it in any way and instead just kept that little idea in my mind that “yeah, I could do that“. Well, I realised recently that if you live with all these “yeah, i could do that” and then never actually do the things then you’re gonna spend your life unfulfilled and full of regret. You see, what happens if you go and try the thing and then realise “shit, this isn’t for me” – you might feel bad at first for wasting time thinking you were something you’re not, but then you’re liberated. You stop living this fantasy and then you can move on to the next thing, and keep looking for your ikigai [your purpose, the thing that gives you joy].
Well I decided that fuck it, I may as well see if this is for me or not. In 3hr+ long classes, I got to explore a LOT. The first few classes were borderline therapy where you expose yourself to a specific emotion and cultivate the stories in your mind that make you feel that way and it is particularly heavy. The next were on techniques and revolved around “playing the objective” which is where you consider what the character wants as opposed to playing what you think they feel and in doing this you’ll start to be able to really visualise your scenes and feel the emotion in reality.
This all culminated in a showcase last Sunday where I played a newbie lawyer desperately trying to prepare for work as he arrives at the dilapidated new apartment his just-married wife had chosen for them to live in… Video below.
The whole experience was something special. While coming back from the show, I was high on bliss thinking just how insanely cool it is to perform in front of people. I’m not saying I’m world class at this or that acting is my ikigai but…
I loved performing and I *think* I’ll keep doing it.
So, if you have an unexplored creative side like me, then as an experiment, embrace it! Venture outside your comfort zone. Sure, it’s uncomfortable and intimidating, but living a small life because you never took the leap would be a tragedy!
Now, wanna see me acting?
Quotes I’m vibing with rn:
Nothing seems as pretty as the past though – Arctic Monkeys
You set the standards for how you want to live – Me
Good enough is almost perfect – George
Favourite song for now:
Sumb Luck 