I first heard this term in a psychology class when I was 17. It refers to the area which is just beyond your comfort zone but not so far beyond it that it’s unbearable.
I’ve been talking about it a lot recently while trying to explain the concept to people in an attempt to also explain to them why I’ve been doing so many random hobbies and side quests recently. Justifying it to myself I guess, using an obscure term from A-level psychology to make it sound deeper than it actually may be.
Anyway, when I explain it, it’s almost always over a drink of something – typically coffee or a smoothie, not beer – as, of late, I’ve been a good boy.
I find it works well in picture form, so the condensation from my drink serves as good paint for my table canvas. I draw a circle – the comfort zone – and another just circling that one – the zone of proximal development. See below:
I point and say that in this comfort zone circle there’s no growth, no progression, this is just as far as you’ve pushed yourself up to this point in life. The next circle, I say, is where the growth happens. This is the level just slightly beyond comfortable: going to a social event you’ve never been to before, trying a new activity, talking to someone you haven’t met. Whatever it is for you that is doable but slightly uncomfortable: that’s your zone of proximal development (ZPD).
These actions won’t be beyond your capability, but they’ll make you feel a little anxious. The game is to keep expanding your comfort zone by becoming comfortable with more things in the ZPD. With repeated exposure to something and with sufficient encouragement (either literal or social validation, pick your poison), you gradually become more comfortable with it and eventually it’s no longer uncomfortable and your comfort zone has expanded. Congrats.
At this point, you’ll have a new zone of proximal development which you can grow into – or not, your life is your own – but I read a line once that said, “Life is too short to be small.” Since then I often hear the relentless voices in my brain parroting the words back at me to force me to do the uncomfortable things.
Tragically, I’m good at shutting the voices up. However, I’ve been working on relinquishing control, accepting their sound logic, and another quote – “Will this decision make you shrink or help you grow?” – has made it rather difficult, because the answer is almost always that this bloody activity or interaction could offer some path to growth. And at 5ft8″ on my best days, I could do with a little growth.
So motherfuckers, what have I and my relentless brain been up to in this quest to expand my comfort zone? Well… in this city of 14 million people and infinite things to do, a lot. I’ve tried a lot. Or at least it feels like a lot considering my previous years were exclusively business + exercise – but that period is a story for another day.
For starters, I did acting classes for a few months. I’m told I did it as a kid for a while, but most memories pre-2017 have withered, so I’ll trust the recollections of my parents on that one. This was something that I knew would be uncomfortable because, as I was taught, when you’re playing a role you have to actually feel the emotion, not simulate it – but feel it.
I was never that emotive until the past 2ish years and even then, being emotional in front of a room full of strangers is intense. Especially when they are all actively watching and silently judging your work – in a nice way, but still.
The first few classes were about learning to be comfortable with this feeling of expressing emotion in front of people you don’t really know. This was more useful than just for acting. In fact, the first few classes have done more for me than I could describe, and the later classes showed me the fun in exploring emotion to elicit feelings from an audience. Comfort zone expanded and confidence increased. Thanks Robin.
Next I went for something that I do alone every day but rarely in front of others… No, not that. Singing, in fact. Anyone who has either stayed at my place or dated me can likely attest to this – but I sing a lot.
With my neighbours as the audience, I am a one-man concert and an eclectic mix of genres can be heard in the apartment corridors, echoing from my home. I often wondered why I’d never particularly befriended my neighbours – perhaps this sheds some light on it.
Anyway, I’ve always been alright at singing but never pushed myself with it, so I considered that at the edge of my comfort zone, just in the ZPD, were singing lessons. This is one of the activities that, for some people, may be totally in their comfort zone, but while I’m still learning how to grow, I find that initial session, that moment of being a total beginner, grossly uncomfortable.
The awful songs of “what if I do it wrong?” or “what if it doesn’t work out?” or whatever the fuck, play in my mind, quite loudly. Silencing them, I headed to my class and began to awkwardly sing in front of the teacher.
It is awkward, you’re in a room with some stranger and you’re doing something that you enjoy doing casually, and you’re about to receive professional feedback on it. Scary. But pretty soon, you realise the teacher is a nice guy in full KPOP drip and only wants to help.
He notices the areas for improvement and over the next few months, you develop your voice and learn to do things you could never do before. The fear subsides and the growth commences.
That’s the thing with expanding your comfort zone – it is scary, it is objectively uncomfortable to go into your ZPD. There’s no blankets and hot chocolate there, but gradually you overcome the fear and start getting accustomed to it, growing into it, and it becomes your new comfort zone – and now the blankets are there too.
The reason some people are comfortable with things and others aren’t is pretty much just repeated exposure, so if you want to grow into your ZPD, whatever it is that you’re wanting to accomplish, just keep at it.
As boring as that sounds, it does work. You start getting used to acting in front of an audience or singing to a crowd or meeting strangers frequently or doing jiu-jitsu and then these once scary things form part of your comfort zone – and you’ve grown.
Another one for me was meeting strangers. In my years of partially chosen, partially forced isolation, I had mostly stopped meeting new people. I adore my own company and I am predominantly an introvert, but can play the role of an extrovert effectively when the situation demands it – and in the meeting of new people, extroversion is the only way to go.
Thankfully, Bangkok is full of events specifically designed for this and, with a lot of convincing, I dragged myself to event after event over the past 8 or so months.
For a while, before each event, I’d have a period where I’d stare at my clothes laid out on the bed and argue with my mind over whether I should go or not, struggling to justify why I ought to go and have random conversation with strangers.
It was internally stressful so it was clearly outside of my comfort zone – but doable – which meant it was in the ZPD.
I’m grateful that I went to the events because in doing so I’ve met some very lovely people and demonstrated to my over-active mind that it’s achievable and not that scary. So once again – ZPD conquered and the comfort zone has expanded.
Listen, these things may not be out of your comfort zone, dear reader, and to you they may seem small – but growth isn’t linear, and I’ve neglected pushing myself with anything but work for a long time, so for me these were big fucking steps and have set me on a far richer path.
So while I start my next uncomfortable opportunity for growth – Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu – I want you to consider: what’s in your zone of proximal development, what are you putting off out of fear, and to fucking go for it.
Til next time.
Quotes I’m vibing with rn:
So you’ve taken a few blows? Good! That’s the price of being in the arena – Theodore Roosevelt
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex – Oscar Wilde
It is impossible to get better and look good at the same time. Give yourself permission to be a beginner – Julia Cameron
Favourite song for now:
Sumb Luck 