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Somewhere along the way, I forgot I could enjoy life.

It’s like I’d treat everything with undue cynicism; viewing each moment with either passive apathy or active disdain. I’ve been stuck in that headspace for a long time. I think trying to pinpoint it’s origin may be helpful but I’m yet to determine a root cause and anytime I’ve come close I tend to find people or places to distract me.

Recently though, I’ve been angry at this way of viewing the world. How fucking boring it is, to live a life without feeling anything positive towards the things you do or who you are or the people around you. The anger isn’t a positive here but, fuck me, it did stimulate a desire to change, and guess what? It turns out, unbeknownst to me, that you can just wake up one day and decide to be someone completely new. To be someone who is happy or who feels things. You don’t owe anything to your past self and you do not have to stay the same. This isn’t a fix all and wouldn’t work if there was chemical imbalances etc but for me, I just decided recently that I’d be happy, again. And it fucking worked.

Since doing this, I’ve had some really delightful experiences. Even events that appeared negative at surface level, like getting stuck on broken trains or nights out being cancelled or flights being delayed have all turned into some truly lovely interactions. Eso sí que es vivir bien.

It’s a perspective change and one I’m trying actively (and I really really really am) to commit to and as the momentum builds, I’ve been feeling even better.

Life is good and I am starting to remember that I can enjoy it.

These posts below are largely how I’m tryna live now aha, enjoy…